Sunday, December 7, 2008

Games for "Girls"

What is a game for "girls"? Well, I would say it would be a game that boys wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. You know, the games about ponies, shopping, and hairstyling; if you can call these "games" at all. I don't know who would want to play some of these games, but considering that I see a commercial for a new one every day, there must be a market. I'd guess that market to be girls around 9-15 years old who have no imagination of their own and so turn to a game about taking care of puppies and kitties and shopping, because what other excuse could there be?

I grew up playing video games and I can't really say that I ever felt the need to pretend to play gymnastics via a little digital girl on a balance beam, I just never did. What I did feel the need to do, however, was pretend to be a little Italian plumber who jumped around in various worlds, killing various little creatures, all in a quest to rescue a princess from a giant reptile. Or play a little guy with a sword also off on a quest to rescue a notice a theme with games here? Oh, I also spent loads of time outside playing and using my imagination to play with real dolls.

So, because I hate "girl" games (games made specifically for girls that include ponies, puppies, babysitting and cooking) that make it seem like girls have no interest in real games and only think about a few things, including shopping and babysitting, I decided to profile some of the ridiculous games that various companies decided to talk-down to girls with. (All descriptions are from

1. Imagine Fashion Designer New York by Ubi Soft
Here's some exciting crap you can do with this exciting game! Enter a fashion house in New York and dress up digital people in clothes. Doesn't that sound fun?!? Gee golly, you get to pretend to be a fashion designer! Whee!

2. Littlest Pet Shop by EA
What's better that a real animal that you get to touch, feed and walk/play with? Why, a fake one, that's what! You can have hours (seconds?) of fun playing with a digital, fake, programmed animal. And even better, there are now Winter, Jungle and Garden versions!

3. Build A Bear Workshop by American Game Factory
O.K. this is getting pretty lame. There is an actual store where you can go and touch physical stuffed animals. Why would you want to play with a game of digital animals? Why? How is this a game? How? There is nothing that you do in this game but poke at the screen with a stylus and build fake stuffed animals. FTW?

4. Disney's High School Musical: Making the Cut by Disney
Want something more lame than the movies? Well, here you go! You get to make them dance and sing all across America! How fun is that? (It's not!)

5. All Star Cheer Squad by THQ
Pretend you're a cheerleader! Because you can't go outside/join a squad in real life! Rah Rah! You get to use the Wii fit board to make a fake person jump and jive (jiving not included in game)

6. Imagine Teachers by UBI soft
Pretend you're a teacher with fake students!

7. Imagine Babyz by Ubi Soft
This may be the worst! Pretend to take care of a baby, because they no longer make babydolls? Why is this considered a game? You can go find some mother who wants you to watch their baby and get paid for it in real life! Not pay $30 to do it! $30? Come on! This isn't a game.

8. The rest of the Imagine Whatever series by Ubi Soft.
There are a crapload of other games that Ubi Soft put out for girls and it seems the farther I creep down the Amazon list, the worse they get. And pretty much all of them are things you can do in some form or another in real life, and so don't need to "play" a game to do so. Is this really why you pay $200 for a game system? So you can play My Pretty Pony or Watch My Baby?

As you can see, I am not a fan of these "games" and seeing how most of them require you to do nothing but poke the screen with a stylus, I don't think they are actually games!

No comments: