Games for "Girls"

What is a game for "girls"? Well, I would say it would be a game that boys wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. You know, the games about ponies, shopping, and hairstyling; if you can call these "games" at all. I don't know who would want to play some of these games, but considering that I see a commercial for a new one every day, there must be a market. I'd guess that market to be girls around 9-15 years old who have no imagination of their own and so turn to a game about taking care of puppies and kitties and shopping, because what other excuse could there be?

I grew up playing video games and I can't really say that I ever felt the need to pretend to play gymnastics via a little digital girl on a balance beam, I just never did. What I did feel the need to do, however, was pretend to be a little Italian plumber who jumped around in various worlds, killing various little creatures, all in a quest to rescue a princess from a giant reptile. Or play a little guy with a sword also off on a quest to rescue a princess...you notice a theme with games here? Oh, I also spent loads of time outside playing and using my imagination to play with real dolls.

So, because I hate "girl" games (games made specifically for girls that include ponies, puppies, babysitting and cooking) that make it seem like girls have no interest in real games and only think about a few things, including shopping and babysitting, I decided to profile some of the ridiculous games that various companies decided to talk-down to girls with. (All descriptions are from Amazon.com)

1. Imagine Fashion Designer New York by Ubi Soft
Here's some exciting crap you can do with this exciting game! Enter a fashion house in New York and dress up digital people in clothes. Doesn't that sound fun?!? Gee golly, you get to pretend to be a fashion designer! Whee!

2. Littlest Pet Shop by EA
What's better that a real animal that you get to touch, feed and walk/play with? Why, a fake one, that's what! You can have hours (seconds?) of fun playing with a digital, fake, programmed animal. And even better, there are now Winter, Jungle and Garden versions!



3. Build A Bear Workshop by American Game Factory
O.K. this is getting pretty lame. There is an actual store where you can go and touch physical stuffed animals. Why would you want to play with a game of digital animals? Why? How is this a game? How? There is nothing that you do in this game but poke at the screen with a stylus and build fake stuffed animals. FTW?

4. Disney's High School Musical: Making the Cut by Disney
Want something more lame than the movies? Well, here you go! You get to make them dance and sing all across America! How fun is that? (It's not!)

5. All Star Cheer Squad by THQ
Pretend you're a cheerleader! Because you can't go outside/join a squad in real life! Rah Rah! You get to use the Wii fit board to make a fake person jump and jive (jiving not included in game)

6. Imagine Teachers by UBI soft
Pretend you're a teacher with fake students!

7. Imagine Babyz by Ubi Soft
This may be the worst! Pretend to take care of a baby, because they no longer make babydolls? Why is this considered a game? You can go find some mother who wants you to watch their baby and get paid for it in real life! Not pay $30 to do it! $30? Come on! This isn't a game.

8. The rest of the Imagine Whatever series by Ubi Soft.
There are a crapload of other games that Ubi Soft put out for girls and it seems the farther I creep down the Amazon list, the worse they get. And pretty much all of them are things you can do in some form or another in real life, and so don't need to "play" a game to do so. Is this really why you pay $200 for a game system? So you can play My Pretty Pony or Watch My Baby?

As you can see, I am not a fan of these "games" and seeing how most of them require you to do nothing but poke the screen with a stylus, I don't think they are actually games!

A new Friday the 13th Trailer! Yay!

And by 'YAY', I mean whoopity-doo.

Why are all of the actors almost 30? And some of them aren't really that bad. Take Jared Padalecki for instance, I very much like him. He's good on Supernatural and that's about it. He was in the remake for House of Wax and that pretty much was terrible; it had Paris Hilton in it for the love of crap! Ugh. But, that said he is enjoyable on Supernatural and has potential. Plus, he isn't bad to look at, even though I used to call him a WB Rat...I take it back.

Now to the trailer: It looks like every other stupid "Someone is chasing me around, I have to run, scream and fall" as evidenced by the part in the trailer where the girl runs, scream and falls and no doubt gets that machete to her face. Terrible. This could be good if in the remake we find out that Jason is really his mother who is the killer and kills people because her son was killed...oh wait, that's the original.

This should be awful. And rated PG-13 and make money because teenagers will go and throw candy at people and make me mad...if I were to see this, and I'm not going to see this.

Fired Up!

Oh...look...what seems like Bring It On 40. However, it isn't. It's Fired Up!

It's what you get greeted with when you are dragged to see Twilight this weekend. It's about two idiots in High School/College (?) who hit on some girl and then somehow go to cheer camp. Where one falls in love with girl mentioned above and the other falls for the cheer camp teacher (Molly Simms). Hilarity does or doesn't ensue (it doesn't).

Seriously, it looks terrible and awful all at once.

Pink Panther 2

I'm sorry, what is happening here? What? This isn't funny, is it? It can't be!
It looks like Steve Martin decided to make another Pink Panther movie and sully the memory of Peter Sellers...this is just terrible.

Looks like we are still using the 'Hamburger' bit. We get it, he's French and can't say hamburger. And it would appear that the old diamond is once again stolen...so hilarity must ensue.*




*clearly, it doesn't.

Delgo...should be called Crapo!

I don't know why you would want to see this...please tell me you don't want to. It looks so bad!
I don't really care what it's about, since the characters look like some kind of mix between ape, Dark Crystal-creature, lizards and something out of my nightmares, but I assume it's about "Delgo" who falls in love with and has to save "girl". There is also "evil lady" who tries to kidnap "girl" and then, I don't know, there is a Lord of the Rings-style battle complete with even more creepy animated things.

Terrible! And coming to a theatre near you!*



*Yes, that's right...it's not straight-to-video.

"Exit Speed" Bad Trailer Edition

Wow...I saw this on one of my favorite sites Iwatchstuff.com. And because I found it so mesmerizing, so phenomenal, I had to post it here. It may become a new feature...now that I know how to do it!

The trailer gives a little run-down of the titillating storyline. A group of (ragtag rebels?) people are on a bus heading home (or away from the army!) and suddenly a bunch of bikers (?) appear and start to terrorize the bus. Yes, that is what happens. They then drive and drive and drive and somehow hit a biker and then all the other bikers magically disappear! Then "Does anyone get a signal" happens and the biker they hit shoots a gun in their direction! Whoo, intense! Man, what happens next? Then all the bikers come back! And they drive and drive and drive through a forest (?) Suddenly, they are in the dark and Caroline in the City says she'll make the run, she runs. Yeah...again...that was said.

I love how they tell the entire story in the trailer and how the head biker, or crotch-rockettier if you will, does nothing but pop wheelies through the entire "film". Seriously, it's a front wheelie, a back wheelie, can he do a side wheelie...I bet he'll try. When they are at night and near the "hangout" of the bikers, one of them is doing wheelies in a circle (I don't know why either).

I haven't seen this movie (nor, will I ever) but I get the whole thing from the neat 2:17 trailer.

"We stop we die, you understand that? We stop we die" In-tense!

Don't rent this...do not give them cause to make a sequel! Do watch the trailer and laugh.

I also added the "bus attack" scene! Whee, where MORE wheelies occur and the guy splits his legs in the air! OH MY GOD! It's cool! They're outlaws...no, not outlaws, nomads...Hell's Little Angels!