G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra French trailer

Coming soon to your SyFy Satur...oh, wait...it's NOT a SyFy Channel Original Movie? It's a bloated, expensive piece of crap coming out in actual theatres? Oh...

The French subtitles aren't the bad part...the movie is the bad part. It looks bad, really bad. 1:53 is the start of a particularly bad part.

2012 THE TEASER!

I know everyone will be on the edge of their seats awaiting the new Roland Emmerich film. And after the astounding awesomeness that was The Day After Tomorrow and 10,000 B.C., who can blame them. I am, of course, being incredibly sarcastic, because Roland Emmerich movies suck. They didn't always suck, or maybe they did and I just forgot?

I remember liking Stargate...maybe if I watch it again, I might change my mind. I didn't mind Independence Day at the time, but when I watch it now it really kind of sucks.

What is the worst thing about this trailer? I can't really decide. It might be that John Cusack, Amanda Peet and Chiwitel Ejiofor agreed to it. It could be that they ask you to Google 2012 in order to get some information. I don't know. I am pretty sure that the main reason it sucks is because I know what to expect. Bad story and bad effects.

I know all about the Mayan end-of-days they say will come in 2012. I've read books before and I don't need Roland Emmerich to lay it out for me in 120+ minutes of retardation...thank you

"Exit Speed" Bad Trailer Edition

Wow...I saw this on one of my favorite sites Iwatchstuff.com. And because I found it so mesmerizing, so phenomenal, I had to post it here. It may become a new feature...now that I know how to do it!

The trailer gives a little run-down of the titillating storyline. A group of (ragtag rebels?) people are on a bus heading home (or away from the army!) and suddenly a bunch of bikers (?) appear and start to terrorize the bus. Yes, that is what happens. They then drive and drive and drive and somehow hit a biker and then all the other bikers magically disappear! Then "Does anyone get a signal" happens and the biker they hit shoots a gun in their direction! Whoo, intense! Man, what happens next? Then all the bikers come back! And they drive and drive and drive through a forest (?) Suddenly, they are in the dark and Caroline in the City says she'll make the run, she runs. Yeah...again...that was said.

I love how they tell the entire story in the trailer and how the head biker, or crotch-rockettier if you will, does nothing but pop wheelies through the entire "film". Seriously, it's a front wheelie, a back wheelie, can he do a side wheelie...I bet he'll try. When they are at night and near the "hangout" of the bikers, one of them is doing wheelies in a circle (I don't know why either).

I haven't seen this movie (nor, will I ever) but I get the whole thing from the neat 2:17 trailer.

"We stop we die, you understand that? We stop we die" In-tense!

Don't rent this...do not give them cause to make a sequel! Do watch the trailer and laugh.

I also added the "bus attack" scene! Whee, where MORE wheelies occur and the guy splits his legs in the air! OH MY GOD! It's cool! They're outlaws...no, not outlaws, nomads...Hell's Little Angels!